Courage. Face the future, but face it only with a brave and happy heart. Do not seek to see it. YOU are robbing Faith of her sublime sweetness if you do this. (God Calling)
Seems easy doesn't it? Just be brave, trust God for the future, and be happy not knowing how it will end. But how many times have I done the complete opposite? How many times have I tried laying out all of the facts, analyzing the various ways a situation could pan out, and then trying to play God by manipulating it to go my own way? It's funny to me that I try to figure out God's plans before they come to fruition. I figure God thinks its funny too because those times when I am 98% certain I know what is going to come next, I make a fool of myself. And it hurts more than the time I face-planted in Jr. High in front of everyone on the buses lined up to leave (seriously, that happened. It is top three on my most embarrassing moments, right next to when my skirt flew up and flashed the entire football team at lunch), emotional and physical pain, not to mention total embarrassment.
I have thought about it and I cant quite put my finger on why predicting God's next move so intrigues me. I think it is so that I can put my identity in it, or have something to look forward to, or maybe it is so that I can protect myself. But truthfully...you know what it is? I can't fully trust God that he will give me his good and perfect will. I am afraid that I won't get what I long for (a husband, a family, a job, an outcome in a relationship, a better position at work etc) so I try to make sure I do by convincing myself God is telling me to do something. It's as if I trick myself into settling for less than God's best for me. So in result, it takes ten times longer for His will to happen, or I miss the opportunity completely.
All The Lord asks is that I trust that he has a plan and a future to prosper me and not to harm me (Jer.29:11), and to seek first His Kingdom and all these things will be added unto me (Matt.6:33). Not only that, but He knows the desires of my heart even more than I do, and as I delight myself in him, he will give me to me (Psalm 37:4).
I know all of these things very well, yet I still fall into the temptation to figure it all out. My human sinfulness takes over and once again I start analyzing and playing out scenarios on my head. I waste my energy. I seek His guidance more than I seek Him. But I believe he wants me to have child-like trust, not knowing the future, but completely trusting. Not critical, not fearful, but full of joy. I am robbing myself of the joy that comes from trusting The Lord, having faith that he will keep his promises, and then watching those promises take shape in my life.
Is it possible to face the future with a brave and happy heart? The answer is yes, praise The Lord! We do know that God's greatest plan is for us to be in deep intimate relationship with him and worship him, which was his purpose for creating us. This means as we seek His face instead of His hand, we will begin trusting Him more and more in the little things because he is faithful. When we get to know him, (spending time in the morning with him, praying through the day, seeking him with all of our heart), then we will just know that he's got it all figured out in his timing, and we don't have to be fearful or worried.
Do you have a relationship with The Lord that allows you to face the future and enjoy each moment in the present with a brave and happy heart?
God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future. I know the best thing we can do is always to enjoy life, because God's gift to us is the happiness we get from or food and drink and from the work we do. Everything God has done will last for ever; nothing he does can ever be changed. God has done all this, so that we will worship him. (Ecclesiastes 3:11-14 GNB)
Monday, July 1, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Love Is Waiting
This is a really strange time for me to be blogging...it's 12:30am, and I'm sitting in my bed, browsing on my iPad as I usually do...then all the sudden...BAM I got a conviction to post this. As I mentioned my last blog post, I only post when I feel the Lord compelling me to, and I really felt compelled to put this out there. Maybe it's so that I will believe it too, but I feel as though The Lord reminded me of a poem my sweet friend Lauren shared with me in college, when it seemed like everyone and their mother was getting their "ring by spring." Don't get me wrong, I was happy for all of my friends who had found the love of their life before they graduated (I even played matchmaker with my best friends Niki and Jordan). I believe that The Lord has someone special for everyone, in his own perfect time. A partner in life that you will be closer to than anyone that you have ever known. Lately I have been thinking a lot about that. Not just about marriage, but the relationship. The day to day, everyday. And how sweet that would be with someone who knows your every fault and loves you, sometimes because of your faults. One morning I was praying about my future husband and began to get a picture of what that relationship would look like based off of my experience and having friends who are married. Every day you wake up and have a partner to do life with and go on adventures with. Someone you tell your deepest...and most ridiculous thoughts to. And someone you share the details of your day with, even the bad or boring parts. But then The Lord made it so clear to me, that he wants to be that first. He wants that other person to be him.
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone
To have a deep relationship with another
To be loved thoroughly, and exclusively -
But God, to a Christian says,
I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by me alone -
With giving n yourself totally and unreservedly to me-
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the best human relationship
That I have planned for you.
I want you to be united with another after you are united with me,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive if any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
And allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing-
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best,
Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, trusting me -
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things
Others have gotten, or that I've given them.
Don't look at the things y think you want.
You just keep looking off and up to me
Or you will miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, ill surprise your with a love
Far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of.
You see, until you're ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
(Even at this moment I am working to have both of you ready at the same time)
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me a d the life I have prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.
I was you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting beauty, perfection and love,
That I offer you with myself.
Know that's love you utterly.
I am God.
Believe and be satisfied.
-author unknown
God has given me a peace in my heart that there is a time and a season for everything. I believe he wants me to be patient and wait, and at the same time enjoy my time single, and the freedom that comes with it. My hope is that other single young women also find peace knowing those same truths, and that a man will not fulfill their deepest need, no man can. Only God and an intimate personal relationship through his Son Jesus can.
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone
To have a deep relationship with another
To be loved thoroughly, and exclusively -
But God, to a Christian says,
I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by me alone -
With giving n yourself totally and unreservedly to me-
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the best human relationship
That I have planned for you.
I want you to be united with another after you are united with me,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive if any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
And allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing-
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best,
Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, trusting me -
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things
Others have gotten, or that I've given them.
Don't look at the things y think you want.
You just keep looking off and up to me
Or you will miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, ill surprise your with a love
Far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of.
You see, until you're ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
(Even at this moment I am working to have both of you ready at the same time)
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me a d the life I have prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.
I was you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting beauty, perfection and love,
That I offer you with myself.
Know that's love you utterly.
I am God.
Believe and be satisfied.
-author unknown
God has given me a peace in my heart that there is a time and a season for everything. I believe he wants me to be patient and wait, and at the same time enjoy my time single, and the freedom that comes with it. My hope is that other single young women also find peace knowing those same truths, and that a man will not fulfill their deepest need, no man can. Only God and an intimate personal relationship through his Son Jesus can.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Nicaragua/Costa Rica Mission Trip
I'm a relatively new blogger, but I know enough to know that when someone who blogs a lot hasn't posted in a while they usually say something along the lines of, "I know it's been a really long time since I've posted..etc., etc." But I'm going to just come right out and say that I just haven't thought of it. I think God prompts me to write about certain situations in my life, situations that have changed my life or impacted me in ways that have changed me forever. And I truly believe that this is going to be one of them.
The past few months of my life have been extremely impactful, and God has shown me what He wants for my life. I have been able to see clearly the selfish, flawed sinful person that I am, and the plan that He has that is so much better than anything I could imagine. I don't know about you, but the closer I become with seeing who I am with and without Him, the more disgusted I become with myself and the more I desire to throw that icky sinful nature person out to the birds. A few weeks ago I was at Joshua House, the young adult ministry at my church, feeling particularly so selfish and praying that God would change my heart. Then, I heard an announcement that there would be an opportunity for a group to go to Nicaragua and Costa Rica for a mission trip to serve the churches there and do medical outreach. I immediately felt a tug from the Holy Spirit. I knew that this could be an opportunity to get out of myself and my bubble and serve Him in a whole new way. I went to the information session, applied the next day, and asked God to open the door if it was His will. Sure enough, that's what He did. And I couldn't be more excited to see what he will do with that open door.
I am so excited for this opportunity to go on a mission trip. Since I began walking intimately with Jesus after my sophomore year, I have desired to serve him on a mission trip and obey his command to take care of the poor and take the Gospel to the ends of the earth. And since I've moved to Columbus 2 years ago, He has provided everything I need, an amazing group of friends, a wonderful Church, and He has even given me a job that allows me to have a whole week of paid community service hours aside from my normal vacation hours. He has always provided what I need and truly want, and now he has provided me with the opportunity to serve Him and reach the poor and powerless.
On
July 28th I will be departing on a medical mission trip to Nicaragua
and Costa Rica for two weeks. For the first week of the trip we will stay in
Ometepe, Nicaragua. Nicaragua is the poorest country in Central America and the
second poorest in the Hemisphere - in fact 80% of the population lives on less
than $2 per day. While in Ometepe we will work with our local church plant to
do medical outreach, minor construction projects, and serve the kids and
families living in the area. After a week of service on the island we’ll travel
down to Palmares, Costa Rica and spend the second week doing outreach projects
in the cities of Palmares and San Jose. While in Costa Rica we’ll be able to
serve the poor and marginalized women and children at a local community center
as well as share the love of Jesus with people in the city who have no contact
with Christians or the church. It is our hope to bless and encourage the
churches we will partnering with as we learn what it means to meet the
spiritual and economical needs of the people in the poorest and richest areas
of Latin America. Through the trip we are praying for God to change our
perspective about the world, our lives, and the lives of the people we are
serving.
This
is an amazing opportunity to serve God, but I need your help. The first way you
can help is monetarily. I need to raise $1,800 by July 15th, and
would appreciate the help from anyone who would be willing to give. Also, we
are building a new church in Nicaragua. The church is very poor and is limited
in raising funds. As a team we want to bless them not only with our manual
labor, but with monetary resources as well. After everyone has raised their
share of trip costs, we hope to continue to raise money to give to the church
when we get there. If you are able to give, follow the link below, and you can
make any size (tax deductible) donation you are able to. In return for your
donation I would love to keep you updated on what happened and how your money
was used on the trip.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-
I
truly believe God will do amazing things during our mission trip and no matter
where you are in your relationship with Him, I ask that you please pray. Pray
for the people in Nicaragua and Costa Rica we will be serving, that the funds
will be raised, for the health and safety of our team members, and that we
would be able reach the churches with the love of Christ.
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet
of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good
tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, “Your God reigns!” (Isaiah 52:7)
Thank you all for your love and support!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Promised Land.
"Enjoy your last day of freedom!!!"
"Well, vacation is almost over. Hope you made the best of it."
These are just a few of the messages I woke up to this morning as I did my usual wake-up phone check with one eye still closed. A normal person would probably look at the messages above and feel a dark cloud start forming over their head knowing they would once more be enslaved to the "daily grind" in a matter of 24 hours. But not me. No. After what I have experienced in the past year, I am more ready than ever to begin my days at 6am again.
Have you ever experienced something that made your stomach tie in knots...make you feel so anxious that your skin turned hot and you felt like you couldn't breathe? I have. In fact, I became used to that feeling, because that's how I would feel every day I went to work. Driving to work I would listen to "Our God is Greater" by Chris Tomlin, and "Forever Reign" by Hillsong to prepare myself for the environment I was about to put myself into. Although it was a trialing time for me, I was learning how to trust in the Lord in the midst of a storm. I will never forget how the Lord spoke to me though that time. The verses he gave me each morning were so encouraging it was as though they were written hundreds of years ago just for me to read them that day. He paralleled my trial to that of the slaves leaving Egypt to enter the Promised Land: "By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger, he persevered because he saw him who is invisible." (Hebrews 11:27) He was my strength each moment, my courage to face my superiors, my faith to trust that I was making the right decision when I resigned.
Never did I think that my tenure at my first job would be so short. And never did I think I would resign without another job lined up. And never did I think that God would be the one telling me to resign from a job that I believe He led me to in the first place. But I was wrong. I resigned because God clearly told me to, and He wanted me to trust him to provide the next step. In his timing.
After battling my doubts that I made a terrible mistake by resigning and trusting that the Lord had me right where he wanted me, I began my journey. But it did not start with updating my resume and LinkedIn account, it started with me opening my Bible and my hands to receive guidance and to be refreshed and renewed. From day one of unemployment he continued to encourage me with verses of promises to be met: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." (1 Cor. 2:8)
It was a few months before Christmas when I was driving to my friend Rachael's place to look for jobs and heard an ad on the local Christian radio station for a sales associate position. I couldn't believe my ears! I had checked the radio station's website a month earlier and had not seen any postings. But after I looked online to see the qualifications - I knew it was perfect for me. It was a non-profit, ministry-based, sales support position. This had to be God's will for me. I knew that it wouldn't pay as well as my last job, but I could make sacrifices. And I knew that it would be a support position which wasn't ideal, but it was better than my last job. And I knew that it would be difficult to market for a radio station, but I was up for a challenge. After much prayer and prep I interviewed. It went great - and I was called back to come in for lunch so they could see how well I fit in the culture. Then Christmas came, and before I knew it 2 weeks had passed and still no call. I remember praying with my parents in my living room for this job (if it was God's will, of course) because it was so perfect and so close and so what I THOUGHT I wanted. But then I got the call...I wasn't picked for the position. I remember my confusion as I listened to the voice on the other end of the line, kindly letting me down, "Honestly, there was no negative feedback about you...we all really liked you. But the young woman we picked for the position was better suited for a permanent support role. We all agreed you would be a great fit for a sales role, but unfortunately we do not have any of those open right now. But believe me when we get an opening we will call you first."
"Excuse me, God!? You told me you promised me a job. This is a non-profit AND a ministry! How could this not be your will for me?! How can it get better than that?!" I asked the Lord for answers and it was continually the same....trust me:
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the work of your hands." (Psalm 138:8)
"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Proverbs 16:1)
Life Application: "from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue" means that the final outcome of the plans we make is in God's hands. The results are up to Him.
I don't think it has ever better harder to get out of bed the next morning. Feelings of doubt overcame me and I felt utterly defeated. But in the depths of my spirit, I knew I needed to bring it to God because I didn't have the strength to move forward on my own. After one of the LONGEST quiet times I've ever had (one of the perks of not having to go to work!) I found strength to keep looking and the faith that He must have something better for me out there. A few days went by and I got an email from my brother with a list of jobs he found that he thought I might be interested in. I gave him a call and it was really encouraging to hear his voice on the other end spurring me on and telling me some tips of how to look for jobs through LinkedIn. I applied to most of the jobs he sent on his email...but paid special attention to one that really interested me for a position of a sales specialist. It was for a company that was rated number one best place to work in Ohio...I applied and prayed.
The next day I decided to look at that company again. It seemed too good to be true. Their number one value was to have a passion for helping people...exactly what I was looking for in my next job - to be doing good to people. I found another posting for a business development associate, a position that seemed much more interesting and the qualifications were exactly what I had. I applied with hope that if it was God's will he would open the door. And around 2 hours later, that door swung open with an email from a hiring company asking for answers to some situational questions. I filled out the form with hope and asked the Lord to guide my answers. Low and behold, I got a call back about 2 days later to come in and interview with the company. I asked all my family and friends to pray and for the Lord to just help me be myself and relax....and let me tell you I have never felt more calm in an interview in my whole life. It almost weird how calm I was...I was so calm it was as if i was driving to go get ice cream. The interview (even though it was three hours) went unbelievably well. I knew it was the prayers and the Holy Spirit bringing me through on a cloud of calm. By the end my potential boss was all smiles and was exclaiming how they enjoyed talking to me that morning. I knew I had a good chance of getting the job, but I learned my lesson not to get my hopes up too high and trust that if I didn't get it there was something better.
I got a call about 2 days later from my potential (now) boss exclaiming he wanted me for the position. It was music to my ears! After hell on earth at my last job, to 5 months of unemployment, to being rejected for a job I thought was perfect...God was fulfilling His promise to me! And this job wasn't just any job. It is one that I am actually excited to do. God knew what I wanted in a job. He knew that I wouldn't have been happy at the Christian radio station doing what I was doing at my previous job. He had something better (and not to mention, paid better!) than my last job or the job at the radio station. He was not going to make me "settle" for something, but he delighted in giving me just want I desired...and so much more. Literally, my boss kept calling me with more and more good news about the job. Everyday I couldn't stop praising God for being faithful. Why did I doubt Him? He is always faithful to fulfill His promises to us...but it is never in our timing. It may feel like he forgot about you, but I am here to tell you that He didn't - he is working in ways you can't see, and he has you there for a reason. Our job is to trust, take steps of faith, and wait for the Lord.
"I will wait for you, O Lord; you will answer O Lord my God." (Ps. 38:15)
My mother sent me a card while I was in my timing of waiting that I want to share with you. I hope that it encourages you where you are:
"Honey, just a reminder that all the details of your life were planned before you were born (Ps. 19:16). His Word reminds us: "I know, O Lord, that man's life is not is own; it is not for man to direct his steps" (Jer. 10:23) and, that He has "plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11)We know "the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His earns are attentive to their cry." (Ps. 34:15) So , we are told to "Be strong and take heart all who hope in the Lord." (Ps. 31:24) and to, "Devote ourselves to prayers, being watchful and thankful." (Col. 4) The Lord loves you Case, and the rock will roll into place at the perfect time for your next step! We love you so much and are praying for you. Mom & Dad (PS - I have the best parents in the world.)
"Well, vacation is almost over. Hope you made the best of it."
These are just a few of the messages I woke up to this morning as I did my usual wake-up phone check with one eye still closed. A normal person would probably look at the messages above and feel a dark cloud start forming over their head knowing they would once more be enslaved to the "daily grind" in a matter of 24 hours. But not me. No. After what I have experienced in the past year, I am more ready than ever to begin my days at 6am again.
Have you ever experienced something that made your stomach tie in knots...make you feel so anxious that your skin turned hot and you felt like you couldn't breathe? I have. In fact, I became used to that feeling, because that's how I would feel every day I went to work. Driving to work I would listen to "Our God is Greater" by Chris Tomlin, and "Forever Reign" by Hillsong to prepare myself for the environment I was about to put myself into. Although it was a trialing time for me, I was learning how to trust in the Lord in the midst of a storm. I will never forget how the Lord spoke to me though that time. The verses he gave me each morning were so encouraging it was as though they were written hundreds of years ago just for me to read them that day. He paralleled my trial to that of the slaves leaving Egypt to enter the Promised Land: "By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger, he persevered because he saw him who is invisible." (Hebrews 11:27) He was my strength each moment, my courage to face my superiors, my faith to trust that I was making the right decision when I resigned.
Never did I think that my tenure at my first job would be so short. And never did I think I would resign without another job lined up. And never did I think that God would be the one telling me to resign from a job that I believe He led me to in the first place. But I was wrong. I resigned because God clearly told me to, and He wanted me to trust him to provide the next step. In his timing.
After battling my doubts that I made a terrible mistake by resigning and trusting that the Lord had me right where he wanted me, I began my journey. But it did not start with updating my resume and LinkedIn account, it started with me opening my Bible and my hands to receive guidance and to be refreshed and renewed. From day one of unemployment he continued to encourage me with verses of promises to be met: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." (1 Cor. 2:8)
It was a few months before Christmas when I was driving to my friend Rachael's place to look for jobs and heard an ad on the local Christian radio station for a sales associate position. I couldn't believe my ears! I had checked the radio station's website a month earlier and had not seen any postings. But after I looked online to see the qualifications - I knew it was perfect for me. It was a non-profit, ministry-based, sales support position. This had to be God's will for me. I knew that it wouldn't pay as well as my last job, but I could make sacrifices. And I knew that it would be a support position which wasn't ideal, but it was better than my last job. And I knew that it would be difficult to market for a radio station, but I was up for a challenge. After much prayer and prep I interviewed. It went great - and I was called back to come in for lunch so they could see how well I fit in the culture. Then Christmas came, and before I knew it 2 weeks had passed and still no call. I remember praying with my parents in my living room for this job (if it was God's will, of course) because it was so perfect and so close and so what I THOUGHT I wanted. But then I got the call...I wasn't picked for the position. I remember my confusion as I listened to the voice on the other end of the line, kindly letting me down, "Honestly, there was no negative feedback about you...we all really liked you. But the young woman we picked for the position was better suited for a permanent support role. We all agreed you would be a great fit for a sales role, but unfortunately we do not have any of those open right now. But believe me when we get an opening we will call you first."
"Excuse me, God!? You told me you promised me a job. This is a non-profit AND a ministry! How could this not be your will for me?! How can it get better than that?!" I asked the Lord for answers and it was continually the same....trust me:
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the work of your hands." (Psalm 138:8)
"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Proverbs 16:1)
Life Application: "from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue" means that the final outcome of the plans we make is in God's hands. The results are up to Him.
I don't think it has ever better harder to get out of bed the next morning. Feelings of doubt overcame me and I felt utterly defeated. But in the depths of my spirit, I knew I needed to bring it to God because I didn't have the strength to move forward on my own. After one of the LONGEST quiet times I've ever had (one of the perks of not having to go to work!) I found strength to keep looking and the faith that He must have something better for me out there. A few days went by and I got an email from my brother with a list of jobs he found that he thought I might be interested in. I gave him a call and it was really encouraging to hear his voice on the other end spurring me on and telling me some tips of how to look for jobs through LinkedIn. I applied to most of the jobs he sent on his email...but paid special attention to one that really interested me for a position of a sales specialist. It was for a company that was rated number one best place to work in Ohio...I applied and prayed.
The next day I decided to look at that company again. It seemed too good to be true. Their number one value was to have a passion for helping people...exactly what I was looking for in my next job - to be doing good to people. I found another posting for a business development associate, a position that seemed much more interesting and the qualifications were exactly what I had. I applied with hope that if it was God's will he would open the door. And around 2 hours later, that door swung open with an email from a hiring company asking for answers to some situational questions. I filled out the form with hope and asked the Lord to guide my answers. Low and behold, I got a call back about 2 days later to come in and interview with the company. I asked all my family and friends to pray and for the Lord to just help me be myself and relax....and let me tell you I have never felt more calm in an interview in my whole life. It almost weird how calm I was...I was so calm it was as if i was driving to go get ice cream. The interview (even though it was three hours) went unbelievably well. I knew it was the prayers and the Holy Spirit bringing me through on a cloud of calm. By the end my potential boss was all smiles and was exclaiming how they enjoyed talking to me that morning. I knew I had a good chance of getting the job, but I learned my lesson not to get my hopes up too high and trust that if I didn't get it there was something better.
I got a call about 2 days later from my potential (now) boss exclaiming he wanted me for the position. It was music to my ears! After hell on earth at my last job, to 5 months of unemployment, to being rejected for a job I thought was perfect...God was fulfilling His promise to me! And this job wasn't just any job. It is one that I am actually excited to do. God knew what I wanted in a job. He knew that I wouldn't have been happy at the Christian radio station doing what I was doing at my previous job. He had something better (and not to mention, paid better!) than my last job or the job at the radio station. He was not going to make me "settle" for something, but he delighted in giving me just want I desired...and so much more. Literally, my boss kept calling me with more and more good news about the job. Everyday I couldn't stop praising God for being faithful. Why did I doubt Him? He is always faithful to fulfill His promises to us...but it is never in our timing. It may feel like he forgot about you, but I am here to tell you that He didn't - he is working in ways you can't see, and he has you there for a reason. Our job is to trust, take steps of faith, and wait for the Lord.
"I will wait for you, O Lord; you will answer O Lord my God." (Ps. 38:15)
My mother sent me a card while I was in my timing of waiting that I want to share with you. I hope that it encourages you where you are:
"Honey, just a reminder that all the details of your life were planned before you were born (Ps. 19:16). His Word reminds us: "I know, O Lord, that man's life is not is own; it is not for man to direct his steps" (Jer. 10:23) and, that He has "plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11)We know "the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His earns are attentive to their cry." (Ps. 34:15) So , we are told to "Be strong and take heart all who hope in the Lord." (Ps. 31:24) and to, "Devote ourselves to prayers, being watchful and thankful." (Col. 4) The Lord loves you Case, and the rock will roll into place at the perfect time for your next step! We love you so much and are praying for you. Mom & Dad (PS - I have the best parents in the world.)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Story.
"Instead of watching Dawson's Creek reruns every morning, take your Bible outside, read, pray, journal and seek Him. The Lord has promised that if you seek Him with all of your heart you will find Him."
Those were the words my mother said to me the day I made the decision to find true purpose in my life; to find what I was created for...an intimate relationship with my Creator. I asked her what the difference was between the relationship I had with God and the relationship my Pastor had with Him. I didn't know there was a difference...but boy was I wrong! I was missing out on the most satisfying, fulfilling, important relationship in my life.
I have gone through many hours pondering my existence and what I was put on this earth for. I think it's because my mind works in a way where I am constantly thinking about the big picture (which is incredibly inconvenient when I need to remember details!). Yet, I also believe God placed this yearning in me when I was created, and fostered the desire through his Holy Spirit until my soul could no longer live off of trying to fill myself up with empty things of this world.
The first year of my college experience began with a summer pre-college party of bar crawls, booze and black and milds. I was encouraged to go to summer session classes prior to my freshman year to help me better acquaint myself with the campus and get a head start on my classes, but the summer turned out to be more of a playground for the finally-free-from-rules-freshman. I felt like a fat kid in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...you know, the part where they're all running around the magical land of candy with the chocolate river running through it? Yes, it was a feeling of freedom to indulge and no one was going to slap your wrist for it.
By the end of the summer I was a seasoned bar-hopping veteran. I was ready to conquer a full campus and find some partners in crime. I was ready to live the years that were supposed to be "the best years of my life" and live them to the fullest. I was ready to find my best friends for life that would conquer the campus with me, and later become my bridesmaids. I was ready to find my husband that was just waiting for me so he could sweep me off of my feet with his charm and good looks (preferably in resemblance to a young Brad Pitt or Ryan Renolds). I was ready to uphold the reputation of the number two party school in the nation. But those dreams were crushed like an empty Capri-sun pouch after I moved into my dorm room to find myself surrounded by a bunch of sweet little Christian girls who would much rather watch a movie than conquer Court Street. My roommate wasn't what I was expecting either; she burst into tears when her parents left her and would only leave the room when she needed food. This all convinced me that I would need to search outside of my dorm walls for my posse of partners in crime.
It wasn't long before I caught on to the buzz of sorority rush. I remember walking down College Street seeing the mass of purple T-shirts marching from sorority mansion to sorority mansion. I would see friends from other dorms bring home baskets of goodies from their "Big" and I longed to be part of the commotion. I knew formal recruitment was over, but heard rumors of informal recruitment through my friends that were given bids already. Walking to class one day I spotted a bright pink symbol of an X and a horse-shoe written on the sidewalk and an invitation for informal recruitment. Although I knew no one in that sorority and I had no idea of it's reputation, I thought I would at least check it out...what did I have to lose?
I remember how nervous I was the night before I walked up the brick steps of my future house to those big white pillars. When I first stepped onto the infamous bright grandma-green carpet, I looked around and immediately regretted my choice of a ripped jean skirt and Chuck Taylors when I saw everyone was wearing stiletto heels. I was led to sit on a square ottoman in the next room and I was given pizza, which I awkwardly ate as I tried to talk at the same time. I remember that was the night I met a girl that would be integral in my relationship with the Lord - Erin Stuckey. She was the sweetest girl I had met at Ohio University up until that night. Within minutes I was having a great time talking to these girls who I clicked with so easily. It was the first time I felt like I was talking to girls that understood me. I felt like I was in the right place. And I didn't know it then, but I was. I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
You can imagine the feeling of utter blissfulness when I was given a call by the president of Chi Omega telling me they were offering a bid and to come to the house for dinner that night. I was so excited I could barely stand it. I knew I found what I had been looking for - a group of girls that wanted to have fun just like me. The rest of my freshman year consisted of meeting a whole new slew of friends that became known as my "sisters," rituals, paddles, frat parties and back-dooring bars. I wasn't just in the background of the party scene, I was the instigator. I soon adopted the nick name "Crazy Casey" and lived up to my title. There wasn't a table I wouldn't dance on or a party I wouldn't go to. Once again I overindulged - parties, booze, and bars were what I looked forward to on a daily basis (let me make it clear that although I was overindulging in many things, I was not sleeping around. I was being protected by God even then!). Yet, I remember God was not absent in my life at that time. Erin Stuckey, the upperclassman I talked to during informal recruitment, would invite me to Campus Crusade because she knew I was a "Christian." I remember going a few times and thinking to myself, "This is stuff I've heard my whole life. This stuff is for people who don't know who Jesus is. I don't need this..." But God was just setting the stage for what was to come.
When I returned home from my freshman year frenzy, God began to work in me. I got away from the greek bubble I had been living in and began to think about my life - what was I doing? Was I living the best years of my life? Was I satisfied with myself, with my life? The truth is I wasn't - I was extremely dissatisfied and depressed. I thought filling myself up with alcohol, getting more attention from guys, and becoming more popular with more people would make me happy and finally fill that hole I had been desperately trying to hard to fill. But none of that was. I was overweight, I was doing poorly in all of my classes, and the "friends" I had would ditch me in a hot minute for the next best party or the guy over there. I began to think about my purpose in life and why I was put on the earth. If these were the best years of my life, why did I still feel so empty? If I was living the life, then why did I feel so miserable all the time? I believe the Lord let me get to the bottom so that I didn't have anywhere to look but up.
Then I had the conversation with my mother that would change my life forever. I asked her what the difference was when I prayed and when our Pastor Jay prayed...did God answer them the same? She said, "The Lord answers and listens to all of our prayers, but he has a special relationship with those that seek him." "A special relationship? What do you mean? I thought I had that?" And then she gave me the command, "Honey, being in a relationship is a two way street, you have to spend time with him, get to know him by reading his Word, pray to him and listen to him. Instead of watching reruns of Dawson's Creek every morning, take your Bible outside, read, pray, journal and seek him. The Lord has promised that if you seek him with all of your heart you will find him, and when you seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, all these things will be given to you as well." I knew that doing life my way was not working, so I took my mother's advice and that's what I did. The next day my mom and I went to the half-priced book store where I picked up a small book that would change my life. It was a devotional called "Jesus Calling" and it was written from the perspective of Jesus speaking directly to me. I would read it every morning and look up the verses that went along with the passage. I would read through the Sermon on the Mount and then journal my prayers. I was a sponge; spending hours in my favorite chair on the porch journaling and praying to this God that was there the whole time and waiting for me to finally turn to him. Slowly I would see God not only in my quiet times with him but through my day in the small things. He was revealing himself to me and changing me more into the person he created me to be. During that time of transformation, he gave me a passage in Psalm 40 that I'll never forget reading for the first time:
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
By the end of the summer I was a new person. I shed the weight I had gained from the alcohol, I got highlights (ha), and most importantly I was a new person inside with a new perspective on my life and a new relationship with my Lord and Savior. I was saved from my enslavement to my flesh and desires and free to be the person I was created to be. But I was not eager to return to the frat party scene I had left months earlier. Everyone knew and accepted me as "Crazy Casey," what would they think of this new me? I remember one morning my mother came out to me on the porch when I was finishing up my quiet time. I was telling her of the fear I had going back to school and moving into my sorority house. She said the Lord wanted her to tell me one thing - do not compromise.
So I went back fearful but knowing full well that my Lord was with me, holding my right hand. And he was faithful - it was the best year of my life. I was greeted with acceptance from my sisters and questions as to what happened to me. As I continued to be dedicated to my quiet times with the Lord each morning, he revealed to me that he put me in that house for a reason, and he wanted me to be a light for him. I returned to Campus Crusade with Erin, but with a new intention to meet friends who also had a relationship with God. I soon met a group of greeks form different houses that had a small group of their own. They quickly accepted me into their community and it was there I found my soul mates. Erin and another upperclassman from my sorority named Alex started a small group just for our sorority. I was able to build deeper relationships with other girls in my sorority who wanted a deeper relationship with God. That year He turned my tattered rag of a life into a perfect tapestry. I was full of joy every day knowing that God was with me, directing me, loving me and accepting me, answering my prayers and working through me to love other people. No longer did I live for the weekend, but I woke up every day excited for the adventure that God was going to take me on that day. I was living the life he planned for me to live - and I felt it.
Erin shared a song with the our sorority Bible study that I rarely hear, but when I do it reminds me of that time in my life. A few of the lyrics resonated with me so strongly as to what the Lord had done in my life:
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
I hope that in sharing my story with you, you can relate to how God may be working in your life. He only wants us to seek him and he has promised we will find him, and we will find so much more than we ever dreamed. Don't settle for a life that you lead, but surrender it to find the life that He has for you - such an amazing life that you can't even begin to imagine what good things are in store (Psalm 31:19).
Those were the words my mother said to me the day I made the decision to find true purpose in my life; to find what I was created for...an intimate relationship with my Creator. I asked her what the difference was between the relationship I had with God and the relationship my Pastor had with Him. I didn't know there was a difference...but boy was I wrong! I was missing out on the most satisfying, fulfilling, important relationship in my life.
I have gone through many hours pondering my existence and what I was put on this earth for. I think it's because my mind works in a way where I am constantly thinking about the big picture (which is incredibly inconvenient when I need to remember details!). Yet, I also believe God placed this yearning in me when I was created, and fostered the desire through his Holy Spirit until my soul could no longer live off of trying to fill myself up with empty things of this world.
The first year of my college experience began with a summer pre-college party of bar crawls, booze and black and milds. I was encouraged to go to summer session classes prior to my freshman year to help me better acquaint myself with the campus and get a head start on my classes, but the summer turned out to be more of a playground for the finally-free-from-rules-freshman. I felt like a fat kid in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...you know, the part where they're all running around the magical land of candy with the chocolate river running through it? Yes, it was a feeling of freedom to indulge and no one was going to slap your wrist for it.
By the end of the summer I was a seasoned bar-hopping veteran. I was ready to conquer a full campus and find some partners in crime. I was ready to live the years that were supposed to be "the best years of my life" and live them to the fullest. I was ready to find my best friends for life that would conquer the campus with me, and later become my bridesmaids. I was ready to find my husband that was just waiting for me so he could sweep me off of my feet with his charm and good looks (preferably in resemblance to a young Brad Pitt or Ryan Renolds). I was ready to uphold the reputation of the number two party school in the nation. But those dreams were crushed like an empty Capri-sun pouch after I moved into my dorm room to find myself surrounded by a bunch of sweet little Christian girls who would much rather watch a movie than conquer Court Street. My roommate wasn't what I was expecting either; she burst into tears when her parents left her and would only leave the room when she needed food. This all convinced me that I would need to search outside of my dorm walls for my posse of partners in crime.
It wasn't long before I caught on to the buzz of sorority rush. I remember walking down College Street seeing the mass of purple T-shirts marching from sorority mansion to sorority mansion. I would see friends from other dorms bring home baskets of goodies from their "Big" and I longed to be part of the commotion. I knew formal recruitment was over, but heard rumors of informal recruitment through my friends that were given bids already. Walking to class one day I spotted a bright pink symbol of an X and a horse-shoe written on the sidewalk and an invitation for informal recruitment. Although I knew no one in that sorority and I had no idea of it's reputation, I thought I would at least check it out...what did I have to lose?
I remember how nervous I was the night before I walked up the brick steps of my future house to those big white pillars. When I first stepped onto the infamous bright grandma-green carpet, I looked around and immediately regretted my choice of a ripped jean skirt and Chuck Taylors when I saw everyone was wearing stiletto heels. I was led to sit on a square ottoman in the next room and I was given pizza, which I awkwardly ate as I tried to talk at the same time. I remember that was the night I met a girl that would be integral in my relationship with the Lord - Erin Stuckey. She was the sweetest girl I had met at Ohio University up until that night. Within minutes I was having a great time talking to these girls who I clicked with so easily. It was the first time I felt like I was talking to girls that understood me. I felt like I was in the right place. And I didn't know it then, but I was. I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
You can imagine the feeling of utter blissfulness when I was given a call by the president of Chi Omega telling me they were offering a bid and to come to the house for dinner that night. I was so excited I could barely stand it. I knew I found what I had been looking for - a group of girls that wanted to have fun just like me. The rest of my freshman year consisted of meeting a whole new slew of friends that became known as my "sisters," rituals, paddles, frat parties and back-dooring bars. I wasn't just in the background of the party scene, I was the instigator. I soon adopted the nick name "Crazy Casey" and lived up to my title. There wasn't a table I wouldn't dance on or a party I wouldn't go to. Once again I overindulged - parties, booze, and bars were what I looked forward to on a daily basis (let me make it clear that although I was overindulging in many things, I was not sleeping around. I was being protected by God even then!). Yet, I remember God was not absent in my life at that time. Erin Stuckey, the upperclassman I talked to during informal recruitment, would invite me to Campus Crusade because she knew I was a "Christian." I remember going a few times and thinking to myself, "This is stuff I've heard my whole life. This stuff is for people who don't know who Jesus is. I don't need this..." But God was just setting the stage for what was to come.
When I returned home from my freshman year frenzy, God began to work in me. I got away from the greek bubble I had been living in and began to think about my life - what was I doing? Was I living the best years of my life? Was I satisfied with myself, with my life? The truth is I wasn't - I was extremely dissatisfied and depressed. I thought filling myself up with alcohol, getting more attention from guys, and becoming more popular with more people would make me happy and finally fill that hole I had been desperately trying to hard to fill. But none of that was. I was overweight, I was doing poorly in all of my classes, and the "friends" I had would ditch me in a hot minute for the next best party or the guy over there. I began to think about my purpose in life and why I was put on the earth. If these were the best years of my life, why did I still feel so empty? If I was living the life, then why did I feel so miserable all the time? I believe the Lord let me get to the bottom so that I didn't have anywhere to look but up.
Then I had the conversation with my mother that would change my life forever. I asked her what the difference was when I prayed and when our Pastor Jay prayed...did God answer them the same? She said, "The Lord answers and listens to all of our prayers, but he has a special relationship with those that seek him." "A special relationship? What do you mean? I thought I had that?" And then she gave me the command, "Honey, being in a relationship is a two way street, you have to spend time with him, get to know him by reading his Word, pray to him and listen to him. Instead of watching reruns of Dawson's Creek every morning, take your Bible outside, read, pray, journal and seek him. The Lord has promised that if you seek him with all of your heart you will find him, and when you seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, all these things will be given to you as well." I knew that doing life my way was not working, so I took my mother's advice and that's what I did. The next day my mom and I went to the half-priced book store where I picked up a small book that would change my life. It was a devotional called "Jesus Calling" and it was written from the perspective of Jesus speaking directly to me. I would read it every morning and look up the verses that went along with the passage. I would read through the Sermon on the Mount and then journal my prayers. I was a sponge; spending hours in my favorite chair on the porch journaling and praying to this God that was there the whole time and waiting for me to finally turn to him. Slowly I would see God not only in my quiet times with him but through my day in the small things. He was revealing himself to me and changing me more into the person he created me to be. During that time of transformation, he gave me a passage in Psalm 40 that I'll never forget reading for the first time:
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
By the end of the summer I was a new person. I shed the weight I had gained from the alcohol, I got highlights (ha), and most importantly I was a new person inside with a new perspective on my life and a new relationship with my Lord and Savior. I was saved from my enslavement to my flesh and desires and free to be the person I was created to be. But I was not eager to return to the frat party scene I had left months earlier. Everyone knew and accepted me as "Crazy Casey," what would they think of this new me? I remember one morning my mother came out to me on the porch when I was finishing up my quiet time. I was telling her of the fear I had going back to school and moving into my sorority house. She said the Lord wanted her to tell me one thing - do not compromise.
So I went back fearful but knowing full well that my Lord was with me, holding my right hand. And he was faithful - it was the best year of my life. I was greeted with acceptance from my sisters and questions as to what happened to me. As I continued to be dedicated to my quiet times with the Lord each morning, he revealed to me that he put me in that house for a reason, and he wanted me to be a light for him. I returned to Campus Crusade with Erin, but with a new intention to meet friends who also had a relationship with God. I soon met a group of greeks form different houses that had a small group of their own. They quickly accepted me into their community and it was there I found my soul mates. Erin and another upperclassman from my sorority named Alex started a small group just for our sorority. I was able to build deeper relationships with other girls in my sorority who wanted a deeper relationship with God. That year He turned my tattered rag of a life into a perfect tapestry. I was full of joy every day knowing that God was with me, directing me, loving me and accepting me, answering my prayers and working through me to love other people. No longer did I live for the weekend, but I woke up every day excited for the adventure that God was going to take me on that day. I was living the life he planned for me to live - and I felt it.
Erin shared a song with the our sorority Bible study that I rarely hear, but when I do it reminds me of that time in my life. A few of the lyrics resonated with me so strongly as to what the Lord had done in my life:
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
I hope that in sharing my story with you, you can relate to how God may be working in your life. He only wants us to seek him and he has promised we will find him, and we will find so much more than we ever dreamed. Don't settle for a life that you lead, but surrender it to find the life that He has for you - such an amazing life that you can't even begin to imagine what good things are in store (Psalm 31:19).
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A light on the path.
I have always enjoyed writing. I can remember when I was little, writing in my little heart diary with a lock on it that had a key that was made for virtually any diary lock, making it's purpose obsolete. I would write about my day; the walk I went on with my mom, what games I played that day with my friends, and the secret crush on the boy next door. I think it helped me make what was happening in my life real. And I loved the feeling of knowing that I could write whatever I wanted to because no one else would read it (except for my brother of course, but I was nothing but a small naive child and didn't know that at the time). As I grew up, I continued to write but not as frequently until I started to walk with Jesus the summer after my freshman year in college. God would speak to me so clearly and I wanted to capture everything He was saying to me. Writing in my journal would help me see how real and how intertwined God was in every detail in my life, even when I wasn't walking with Him. I have had a desire to start a blog for a while now but I hesitated starting one because I thought no one would be interested in reading about my ordinary life. But I came to the conclusion that that isn't the point. My hope is that as you read the truths I discover in my life, you would also find truth in yours. Thanks for coming with me on this journey :)
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