My Story.

"Instead of watching Dawson's Creek reruns every morning, take your Bible outside, read, pray, journal and seek Him. The Lord has promised that if you seek Him with all of your heart you will find Him."

Those were the words my mother said to me the day I made the decision to find true purpose in my life; to find what I was created for...an intimate relationship with my Creator. I asked her what the difference was between the relationship I had with God and the relationship my Pastor had with Him. I didn't know there was a difference...but boy was I wrong! I was missing out on the most satisfying, fulfilling, important relationship in my life.

I have gone through many hours pondering my existence and what I was put on this earth for. I think it's because my mind works in a way where I am constantly thinking about the big picture (which is incredibly inconvenient when I need to remember details!). Yet, I also believe God placed this yearning in me when I was created, and fostered the desire through his Holy Spirit until my soul could no longer live off of  trying to fill myself up with empty things of this world.

The first year of my college experience began with a summer pre-college party of bar crawls, booze and black and milds. I was encouraged to go to summer session classes prior to my freshman year to help me better acquaint myself with the campus and get a head start on my classes, but the summer turned out to be more of a playground for the finally-free-from-rules-freshman. I felt like a fat kid in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...you know, the part where they're all running around the magical land of candy with the chocolate river running through it? Yes, it was a feeling of freedom to indulge and no one was going to slap your wrist for it.

By the end of the summer I was a seasoned bar-hopping veteran. I was ready to conquer a full campus and find some partners in crime. I was ready to live the years that were supposed to be "the best years of my life" and live them to the fullest. I was ready to find my best friends for life that would conquer the campus with me, and later become my bridesmaids. I was ready to find my husband that was just waiting for me so he could sweep me off of my feet with his charm and good looks (preferably in resemblance to a young Brad Pitt or Ryan Renolds). I was ready to uphold the reputation of the number two party school in the nation. But those dreams were crushed like an empty Capri-sun pouch after I moved into my dorm room to find myself surrounded by a bunch of sweet little Christian girls who would much rather watch a movie than conquer Court Street. My roommate wasn't what I was expecting either; she burst into tears when her parents left her and would only leave the room when she needed food. This all convinced me that I would need to search outside of my dorm walls for my posse of partners in crime.

It wasn't long before I caught on to the buzz of sorority rush. I remember walking down College Street seeing the mass of purple T-shirts marching from sorority mansion to sorority mansion. I would see friends from other dorms bring home baskets of goodies from their "Big" and I longed to be part of the commotion. I knew formal recruitment was over, but heard rumors of informal recruitment through my friends that were given bids already. Walking to class one day I spotted a bright pink symbol of an X and a horse-shoe written on the sidewalk and an invitation for informal recruitment. Although I knew no one in that sorority and I had no idea of it's reputation, I thought I would at least check it out...what did I have to lose?

I remember how nervous I was the night before I walked up the brick steps of my future house to those big white pillars. When I first stepped onto the infamous bright grandma-green carpet, I looked around and immediately regretted my choice of a ripped jean skirt and Chuck Taylors when I saw everyone was wearing stiletto heels. I was led to sit on a square ottoman in the next room and I was given pizza, which I awkwardly ate as I tried to talk at the same time. I remember that was the night I met a girl that would be integral in my relationship with the Lord - Erin Stuckey. She was the sweetest girl I had met at Ohio University up until that night. Within minutes I was having a great time talking to these girls who I clicked with so easily. It was the first time I felt like I was talking to girls that understood me. I felt like I was in the right place. And I didn't know it then, but I was. I was exactly where God wanted me to be.

You can imagine the feeling of utter blissfulness when I was given a call by the president of Chi Omega telling me they were offering a bid and to come to the house for dinner that night. I was so excited I could barely stand it. I knew I found what I had been looking for - a group of girls that wanted to have fun just like me. The rest of my freshman year consisted of meeting a whole new slew of friends that became known as my "sisters," rituals, paddles, frat parties and back-dooring bars. I wasn't just in the background of the party scene, I was the instigator. I soon adopted the nick name "Crazy Casey" and lived up to my title. There wasn't a table I wouldn't dance on or a party I wouldn't go to. Once again I overindulged - parties, booze, and bars were what I looked forward to on a daily basis (let me make it clear that although I was overindulging in many things, I was not sleeping around. I was being protected by God even then!). Yet, I remember God was not absent in my life at that time. Erin Stuckey, the upperclassman I talked to during informal recruitment, would invite me to Campus Crusade because she knew I was a "Christian." I remember going a few times and thinking to myself, "This is stuff I've heard my whole life. This stuff is for people who don't know who Jesus is. I don't need this..." But God was just setting the stage for what was to come.

When I returned home from my freshman year frenzy, God began to work in me. I got away from the greek bubble I had been living in and began to think about my life - what was I doing? Was I living the best years of my life? Was I satisfied with myself, with my life? The truth is I wasn't - I was extremely dissatisfied and depressed. I thought filling myself up with alcohol, getting more attention from guys, and becoming more popular with more people would make me happy and finally fill that hole I had been desperately trying to hard to fill. But none of that was. I was overweight, I was doing poorly in all of my classes, and the "friends" I had would ditch me in a hot minute for the next best party or the guy over there. I began to think about my purpose in life and why I was put on the earth. If these were the best years of my life, why did I still feel so empty? If I was living the life, then why did I feel so miserable all the time? I believe the Lord let me get to the bottom so that I didn't have anywhere to look but up.

Then I had the conversation with my mother that would change my life forever. I asked her what the difference was when I prayed and when our Pastor Jay prayed...did God answer them the same? She said, "The Lord answers and listens to all of our prayers, but he has a special relationship with those that seek him." "A special relationship? What do you mean? I thought I had that?" And then she gave me the command, "Honey, being in a relationship is a two way street, you have to spend time with him, get to know him by reading his Word, pray to him and listen to him. Instead of watching reruns of Dawson's Creek every morning, take your Bible outside, read, pray, journal and seek him. The Lord has promised that if you seek him with all of your heart you will find him, and when you seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, all these things will be given to you as well." I knew that doing life my way was not working, so I took my mother's advice and that's what I did. The next day my mom and I went to the half-priced book store where I picked up a small book that would change my life. It was a devotional called "Jesus Calling" and it was written from the perspective of Jesus speaking directly to me. I would read it every morning and look up the verses that went along with the passage. I would read through the Sermon on the Mount and then journal my prayers. I was a sponge; spending hours in my favorite chair on the porch journaling and praying to this God that was there the whole time and waiting for me to finally turn to him. Slowly I would see God not only in my quiet times with him but through my day in the small things. He was revealing himself to me and changing me more into the person he created me to be. During that time of transformation, he gave me a passage in Psalm 40 that I'll never forget reading for the first time:

 ¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
   he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
   a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
   and put their trust in the LORD.

By the end of the summer I was a new person. I shed the weight I had gained from the alcohol, I got highlights (ha), and most importantly I was a new person inside with a new perspective on my life and a new relationship with my Lord and Savior. I was saved from my enslavement to my flesh and desires and free to be the person I was created to be. But I was not eager to return to the frat party scene I had left months earlier. Everyone knew and accepted me as "Crazy Casey," what would they think of this new me? I remember one morning my mother came out to me on the porch when I was finishing up my quiet time. I was telling her of the fear I had going back to school and moving into my sorority house. She said the Lord wanted her to tell me one thing - do not compromise.

So I went back fearful but knowing full well that my Lord was with me, holding my right hand. And he was faithful - it was the best year of my life. I was greeted with acceptance from my sisters and questions as to what happened to me. As I continued to be dedicated to my quiet times with the Lord each morning, he revealed to me that he put me in that house for a reason, and he wanted me to be a light for him. I returned to Campus Crusade with Erin, but with a new intention to meet friends who also had a relationship with God. I soon met a group of greeks form different houses that had a small group of their own. They quickly accepted me into their community and it was there I found my soul mates. Erin and another upperclassman from my sorority named Alex started a small group just for our sorority. I was able to build deeper relationships with other girls in my sorority who wanted a deeper relationship with God. That year He turned my tattered rag of a life into a perfect tapestry. I was full of joy every day knowing that God was with me, directing me, loving me and accepting me, answering my prayers and working through me to love other people. No longer did I live for the weekend, but I woke up every day excited for the adventure that God was going to take me on that day. I was living the life he planned for me to live - and I felt it.

Erin shared a song with the our sorority Bible study that I rarely hear, but when I do it reminds me of that time in my life. A few of the lyrics resonated with me so strongly as to what the Lord had done in my life:

Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

 I hope that in sharing my story with you, you can relate to how God may be working in your life. He only wants us to seek him and he has promised we will find him, and we will find so much more than we ever dreamed. Don't settle for a life that you lead, but surrender it to find the life that He has for you - such an amazing life that you can't even begin to imagine what good things are in store (Psalm 31:19).